My friend Fear
Fear an old friend that I would rather not know. It often turns up uninvited, just when I'm about to do something fun or challenging it comes along yelling "hey take me with you, I have something Important to say!" I see it coming and think who let you know I was doing this?
For so many years as I was a people pleaser, so when that old companion fear showed up, so as not to hurt fear's feelings I embraced it full on. Fear was such a controlling friend, always telling me not to do this as I may get hurt, don't do that as I may hurt someone's feelings, and definitely don't say or do this as no one will like me!
As I began to see how my life was panning out, wishing I had done things that I regretted not doing, missing so many great opportunities. I knew my life was not as I would like, I knew that I had to make some changes starting with spending less time around the friends who held me back. I needed to make new friendships, friendships which bring fun and excitement and memories I want to be proud of.
Fear was such a great friend keeping me safe and secure. I needed to wean my self off slowly as fear was always showing up to hang around, fear was so familiar and safe sometimes without even noticing fear had come with an overnight bag to stay for a while. When fear came to visit fear often brought other friends to visit like procrastination, low self esteem and your not good enough. They came prepared with movies to watch and comfort food. Reminding me how much fun we had in the old days when I hardly ever went out. I would just be leaving to go out with my new friends courage and excited anticipation when fear snuck in wanting to know why I had not asked it along for the ride?
So I had to take a stand and tell fear I know it and I love it, I appreciate all the times it's kept me safe from harm and I know fear will be there in my future looking out for me and keeping me safe, but fear does not need to play such a big part in my life anymore.
I do and will value its advice, but I asked it if your going to come, keep your voice down.
So we developed a new relationship and I made lots of new friends who's voices started of quietly like a whisper in the breeze. But as I listened intently and heard their words of encouragement their voices grew audible. We started more conversations the more We talked and listened the the more they had to say.
My life became so much better, I started doing things I had always wanted, I started feeling new friends like courage and bravery and good friends who I really liked, started to hang around most of the time, those wonderful blessed friends joy, happiness and love.
I realized I have room for all of them now even low self esteem, they call by sometimes as they are passing and I just let them visit as I know they will soon be gone. All my friends are welcome now, I have a new rule in my life you can visit as long as you keep your voice down.
I know now how to question what they are saying, just because they have something to say it does not mean it is true. It's just seems true from the perspective they are looking at it from. As they are all valuable friends, I can see the value they bring.
My friend fear gets on well with my new friends now, fear knows its value, sometimes as all friends do, fear gets in the way. But I can have fun with fear now and I laugh at it when I see how silly it was in that moment and I'm grateful it's a friend now who mostly knows when it's needed and when it's not.
Freedom starts within BF331B3A-D02C-4782-B9AD-B489AACD0B96