Self-Sabotage: It all Comes from Fear

The concept and experience of self-sabotage reveal the many ways in which a person will create failure, or a behavior that is unhealthy or disruptive in a relationship at work or home.

People are often not aware of their own self sabotage and the damage it may be causing because its often an unconscious process. It may not be recognized until someone they trust might point out the pattern.

FEAR as an acronym can be False Expectations Appearing Real. In other words, our fear leads to a belief, which leads to a thought that can create the experience of the expected result. IF FEAR is about the future then we really don’t know what will happen but we might self-sabotage and create thoughts and behaviors that cause the event to be a self-fulfilling prophecy.

What if you’ve become so distanced from the ‘real you…’ you can’t tell what is real from what is false?

Separating false beliefs from real truths is part of the “getting real’ challenge. By the time we become adults, we’ve all added many layers of fake. Some layers are added knowingly. But when we’re young, we often get fooled by false beliefs posing as truths.

Most of us regard ourselves critically, through lenses clouded by judgment. You know how when you reframe an old picture, it looks different? Here’s an even better example… Notice how different you look in a selfie when compared to a studio portrait captured by a talented photographer. Then compare both of those photos to one that shows you having the time of your life, at a special event, with people you love.

All three are photos of you. And in each one, even though you are the same person, you look completely different. It’s far more than lighting or what you’re wearing. It’s how you show up. Rather than projecting an image, you are illuminated from within!

The magic of reframing…. Seeing yourself in a new light, viewing aspects of yourself as positive instead of negative. It truly IS life changing!

Start to groom your mind for freedom, achievement and success. To create the life, you want, without sabotage

Think back to instances when you chose to keep your Real Self hidden. Did your health suffer? Did you feel that you were at risk of ‘losing yourself, becoming more like the “character’’ in the “role” you were playing – and less like who you know yourself to truly be?

Or did you feel that it worked well for you?

You might conclude that you want to practice being authentic more often, to “push past your fear’ and ‘let your light shine.’ Or you might choose to hang onto your masking options and use them when you’re in new environments, interacting with strangers or in other situations where you typically feel uncomfortable and have no control.

Here’s an example. If you’re an Introvert, you may feel a need to mask when you attend industry conferences where you don’t know a soul. Entering a room full of strangers terrifies you. Masking may seem like the only ‘safe’ way for you to manage yourself in this situation. It’s a practice that many people employ. However, it does eliminate your opportunity to introduce the people you meet to “the real you.”

Being authentic in situations where you would typically put on a mask also enables you to become comfortable in your vulnerability. As a result, you’ll build emotional strength.

That might sound crazy but being comfortable being vulnerable offers huge benefits.

Research Professor and best-selling author, Brene Brown, identifies vulnerability as a pathway to innovation and trail-blazing. Breakthroughs in these areas are achieved because we’ve dealt with our doubts and are willing to participate in challenging conversations.

She describes the challenge we face when consciously choosing between being authentic or masking ourselves, by saying, “We have fallen victim to the idea that we’re supposed to be comfortable all the time. Being comfortable does not deliver new ideas or breakthroughs. By keeping you safe it gives you more of what you already have, limits your thinking to more of what you already know.”

Wearing a mask is a good option if you’re aware you’re wearing it and you’ve put it on for valid reasons. But if you’re unaware, you are not in control, and that fear may lead to self-sabotage.

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