I’m sure you have had someone tell you ‘you’re selfish’ as you were explaining to them that you are doing something for you. Haven’t you? I have, many times.

When they said that to me, I automatically believed them. I thought, ‘Yes, I guess that is selfish, maybe I better not do it.’ Or, if I did go ahead and do it, I felt guilty because I’d done it. All the while remembering that the person said I was selfish.

I treated myself as though I didn’t deserve to be looking after myself, to be doing something for me. I was certain that people could see that I was selfish. I didn’t enjoy what I was doing anywhere near as much because selfish people, well selfish people like me, can’t enjoy what they are doing when they are acting selfishly. Right?

What I have now realized after questioning my thinking about the scenario is that it is not selfish of me to look after myself.

It is okay for me to stay in a motel, and not with my parents, when I want quiet time alone, even though others might see this as selfish because I am not spending ‘quality’ time with my parents.

It’s okay for me to not want to go out drinking and partying and to stay home curled up with a good book or a ‘chick flick.’

It’s okay for me to do things for me rather than focusing on others first.

That last one was a biggie for me. Realizing that all my life I had been focusing on keeping others happy; doing what others wanted at the expense of looking after me. Underneath I always wanted more. I felt as though I was lacking something in my life. And, I was, self-love.

I sat back and thought about what was going on when that person told me I was being selfish because I was doing something for me. I noticed that the most likely reason they weren’t happy was because if I was to focus on me, for a change, it would mean that I was no longer focusing on them.

They would no longer have me doing things for them all the time; giving them things, taking them places; doing what they wanted, when they wanted. THEY would need to manage those things for themselves, something they weren’t used to doing with me around.

So, self-love is not selfish, it is taking care of you, the most important person in your life.

If you don’t give yourself self-love, who will?